Without question, one of the most common themes that bring any clients into sex therapy is they are both seeking more sex!
Without question, one of the most common themes that bring any clients into sex therapy is because they are both seeking more sex and intimacy in their lives, typically with their partner(s). There are many models and theories as to what keeps sexuality alive between people, over the long-term, as well as why human sexuality seems to somewhat decline with age - although research indicates one of the biggest limiting factors is our overall physical health as we get older.
Many of us have a lot of sex when we are younger however, as we get older other life stressors start to get in our way.
Many of us have a lot of sex when we are younger, and the biggest reason for this is because sex is easy/easier when we are younger. Most of us will have the highest energy levels we will ever have, and are forced to spend the most time with people around us, especially while we go to school. Our bodies recover quicker, and are typically not very sore after strenuous activity, compared to bodies in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and older.
Not only is physical health a factor in lack of sex but also time, stress and distraction.
The other dilemma is time, stress, and distraction. When we are younger, we maybe have a part-time job to worry about, and grades (for those who even cared about marks), and thus had far more mental energy to devote to other pursuits, such as sexual and intimate encounters, and a lot of them. We also probably were not as sore after and our recovery periods were a lot shorter as well. After all, mother nature is trying to get us laid.
However, as we get older other life stressors start to get in our way, such as, work, family, kids, ageing parents, etc. And this all happens around the time we are getting slower, and taking longer to recover. For many clients, the call of TV and live streaming, or our phones becomes our primary ways of relaxation and who has the energy for sex after binging 5 episodes of the latest show?
Combined with a natural decrease in a sex drive as our hormones even out and even somewhat decline with age, sex gets further and further from our minds. Sometimes it is a little while in between sexual romps, sometimes we get a little nervous or anxious because it has been so long, and sometimes we feel like, what’s the point? Been there, done that. All this becomes the “brakes” to the bedroom. But all is not lost and all can be overcome.
Sex & Intimacy therapy finds realistic solutions and ideas to help clients navigate these dilemmas, take time to find each other again and find ways to reconnect in the bedroom. It isn’t always easy, but as we said on the farm, the harder it is, the more worthwhile it will probably be.
Come heal, grow and create together
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